You have married and been successful with your settlement visa and your wife has arrived in the United Kingdom . You will always remember when you first went to China and how different things were compared to United Kingdom , your wife will be thinking the same as you.

I guess you consider this to have been the hard part? Well yes it was a hard part, gathering all the information, emails, messenger chats and photographs for the visa, the utility bills, proof of where you live and your occupation and if you are like me a sponsor letter from other people who live in the same house.

All this is very stressful and worrisome, but your wife is now by your side for the rest of your lives together. So what do you do now? I know you are thinking get in the car and get home as fast as you can so your wife can rest and see where she is going to live.

Remember in China they have been practicing equal rights for women longer than we have in the UK. So do not expect 'yes sir, no sir, and three bags full sir'. You have married a wife not a servant. If you treat your wife this way, expect her to want to return to China within days.

Do not think for one minute everything's going to be hunky-dory, you may spend a total of four weeks being together, may be e-mailing and talking for six months, but in reality your wife and you are just getting to know each other. When you were in China , you may have been living in a hotel, now she is living in your home which is completely different.

Well yes. Then there comes the next morning, there will be a beautiful smile and you will have your own way of communicating with your wife. So the first thing is after a tour of your house and some explanations of what things are and how some things work. You will need to teach her how to use the computer as it is in English, she will know how to use messenger programmes and will have a general idea of the web cam and microphone. When she has seen how to use them, call China so she can contact home and put their minds at rest that she is safe and sound.

The Internet will play a big part in her life for a long time as this is the main form of communications she will have with family and friends in China . What ever you do, do not say to your wife that she can not use the computer to talk to Mum or friends, as this will have the effect on her that you do not care about her and you do not want her to talk to her family. She will have days where she is very unhappy and there will be tears and she will get very angry with you. Do not worry about this to much as she is venting her homesickness at the only person in her life that she considers a friend, partner and husband.

This is where you come into your own, and shows how much you truly love your wife and how much you understand her needs. I for one have made mistakes as we all do; I have not been married before so I was working with a blank slate, my mind.

You can tell your wife you love her and she will understand you, but it will take time for her to in a word trust you. I know this sounds a bit strange, but it is the truth. The fact is she is relying on you to do your best for her, even if it means you have to do things that you do not like or have never done before.

The basic understanding you have with your wife will help you to improve her English, settle her nerves and make her feel more comfortable. This is a strange land to her and she will need you to be there to support her from the moment you hold her hand at the airport. It is ok to say well I will get you into English class; this is a great goal to set yourselves. But remember, you need to settle her into your life and the ways you do things first. Do not palm her off to an English class and hope things will become great.

The first thing you would do is to introduce your wife to your family which can be a nervous ordeal for both of you especially your wife not speaking very good English. Over a period time it would be better for your wife to get to know your family on a one to-one basis inviting a friend or family member round for dinner.

If you're lucky enough to live near a Chinese community like Manchester London Birmingham Liverpool with their thriving Chinatowns even if you have to travel some distance it would be very beneficial for your wife because she will find the majority of the cooking ingredients she requires and these will be in Chinese and you can purchase all the Chinese cooking utensil she needs and don't forget the rice maker which every Chinese home should have.

Your wife will have very little knowledge of English food it's not uncommon; your wife might not like English food. The easiest way to introduce your wife to English food is not force her, you can have an agreement, like breakfast time English breakfast, lunchtime English or Chinese, dinner-time, Chinese, but insist you have a Sunday roast together and eventually your wife will start to like and appreciate English food. She will find it much easier to cook. Your wife will have no knowledge of using the oven, but this will not stop her, she will really enjoy the roast chicken for Sundays believe me.

When you take your wife to the supermarket she may be horrified to see rows and rows of dead birds, remember in China your wife always chooses the chicken alive. She will be wandering how long the chickens have been on the shelves. are they really fresh? Always be prepared for the unexpected cultural shock.

It's quite obvious your wife will become very homesick she could be crying for days do not be too alarmed it's only natural. Remember when you just said goodbye to your family and friends and your own country you would be the same. Always allow her to have access to the computer using a computer telephone which is much cheaper she can always stay in touch with a family and friends she may spend many hours talking to family and friends on a computer do not be alarmed as time goes by it will get less and less.

Always reassure your wife that you will be together when you visit China at least once a year, she has not cut herself off from family friends or her country completely, eventually she will be making friends in her new country, it just takes time and plenty a patience and understanding on your part.

All newly married couple, communicating is very important, with your Chinese wife, even more so. It is not just about communicating between yourselves, you have to communicate and help her to understand the new culture she is experiencing. There will be misunderstandings between you, your wife may say to you I understand, in reality she doesn't, so if its any thing really important make sure she understands. In my experience speaking to other people it takes about 12 months for your wife to be fully settled in her new surroundings after this time believe me you will both be laughing at some of the silly things you misunderstand.

For your wife to communicate learning English is very important to her waste no time sending your wife to college shall make new friends as well give her that little bit of independent in the evening you will have much more to talk about.

My wife was in the country just over a month before she started English classes, goals were set for us to achieve, the first was English class, the second was a job which she loves, the third is a driving lessons and a car for my wife.

The main point of this article is always remember communicating, patience and understanding. Ignore these main points and you could have a disaster on your hands it is not easy for anybody to start a new life in a new country with a new husband who cannot communicate and has no patience or understanding.

Basically what I am saying is you will have to give a lot more than you will receive in return from your wife to begin with. However there is an upside to this, you will gain her trust, her love and she will never leave your side no matter what the future holds for you both.

You must remember these are experiences of many people who have sent emails and asked questions. Remember every Chinese lady is an individual and will have different reactions to the situations mentioned above. This may not happen to you as it has to others.

Contact: Nanning & china info