Here you will find personal views of China written by members of the Forum past and present. There are links within the articles to articles on the forum.
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About Chinese Women by John Abbott
Why? by Robert
Life in Nanning, the Green City of China by Graham
My Journey to Nanning by Derk
My Experience by Robert
If you're currently a member of a web dating site about Asian women or Chinese women then you're probably there because you're looking for a change from the type of personal relationships that now seem to exist between Western Men and Western Women. You're tired of women who grew up in the "ME" generation, always looking strictly for "What's in this relationship for me?" Nowadays, when you meet a new Western Woman who you find attractive, before the conversation has even really begun, she's already drilling you about your occupation and your assets. How much money do you make and how much "stuff" do you have.
Well first, let's be honest. A Chinese Woman will also want to know that you have an income and that you are financially stable. Like women everywhere, she also wants a secure future. The difference is, most Chinese Women come from a world where a normal job is a great job, a simple home is a great home, and family is everything. Will there be food on the table - good enough. Will we have a home that I can clean and cook in and make comfortable for you - good enough. You're a truck driver (mechanic, teacher, male nurse, etc) - that's fantastic. Just be reliable.
If you want a simple life where you do your job, which is the primary income earner, and she does her job, which is manage the home and family, then Chinese women make great life partners. That's not to say that she won't help you with business if that's what you want, but you'll be the boss. And it doesn't mean she's not prepared to have a job too. She will likely prove to be a very hard worker. It does mean that running the home is her job as well. You will have a say in all the important decisions, but when it comes to day to day operations sit back and let her take over, it's what she does best.
But here is the most important thing - a Chinese Woman marries for life. Once she commits, she will invest every ounce of her being into your future, your home, your family and your life together. If that is the kind of wife you want, then you're in the right place. Her priorities in approximate order are husband and children, parents (hers and yours), home, face (what does the world think of your family), herself, her importance to you, her job, her friends.
Chinese women want to love you and they want to be loved by you. Unlike Western Women, they will not be out to instantly change you the moment they have their grip on you. So long as you meet two requirements they will be happy. First, you must love them. Second, you must not be frivolous with money; that is you won't spend your last dime on whiskey when the kids are hungry. Well frankly, if you are that frivolous with money then you really need a Chinese Woman more than she needs you.
Chinese women like to spend as much time with you as possible. The more you can be together the happier they are. They're happy to go out with you and play, spend time at the movies, relax in a pub with your friends, walk on a beach, anything so long as she is with you. Equally a quiet night at home is perfect. To her, time with her husband is important. But that doesn't mean you have to be with her every moment, it just means that every moment of your time you do give to her will be appreciated.
Unlike Western Women, a Chinese Woman will not sit around with her buddies secretly badmouthing you. To her, if you look bad she looks bad, and she would lose face. So long as you are covering the bare basics, she will outwardly praise you to the roof, because if her friends think you look good, then she gains face. And if she says you're a bad husband, then implicitly she is failing as a wife.
China's economy is growing fast, and these days most Chinese are proud of their place in the world and believe in their future. Just the same, the chance to live in the West, to get a passport from your country, to improve her economic status remains a potential motive for marrying a Western Man. But if it is so, it is low on a long list of motives. The number one motivator by far for a Chinese Woman to seek to marry a Western Man is that she is undervalued by Chinese Men. She wants someone who will appreciate her for the many things she does for him, who will treat her with respect, who will love her. She often cannot find that at home.
In addition, while many young Chinese Women are looking for someone who will treat them as equals, Chinese Women over the age of about 28 are already beginning to find few Chinese Men who are interested in them as life partners. While Western Men appreciate a partner who has life experience and is a real woman, Chinese Men want young girls to fill that role, to the extent that a Chinese Woman over 30 has become almost unmarketable as a wife.
Not to be repetitive, but Chinese women want you to love them and they want to love you, to look after your needs, to fulfill your desires. In their minds, one makes a good life and a good future through a good and loving marriage and a good home. To most Chinese women marriage is the most important single thing in life, because it is the center point of their existence from the moment they enter into marriage until the moment of their death. It is not to be taken lightly.
Chinese women like to please their men, and to receive acknowledgment that they have pleased him. Every Chinese woman loves it when her man gives her a little gift, because it means she has pleased him and he appreciates it.
None of this is to say that they never will be angry, never will express their concerns. And when a Chinese Woman reaches the boiling point, sit back and stay silent. Let her get it out, let her have her say, and acknowledge her righteousness, or watch out. And if you abuse her, physically or emotionally, then all we've said will go out the window. An abusive husband has no right to expect her respect and love. But given proper respect, she will return it many times over. She will honor your love, your marriage and your family, always placing your needs and those of your children above her own.
Generally Chinese woman are beautiful, inside and outside. 1 in 10 Chinese Women are obese. They are very feminine, sometimes childlike in spirit, petite and delicate. They take great care of their physical appearance. They almost always look 10 years younger than they are. Very few smoke or drink. They like to try new things, explore, and they love to laugh and have fun.
To most Chinese Women age difference is not a major factor in choosing their life partner. They are often attracted to older men, and 10 to 20 years difference is not a big problem to most, but you need to consider if it is important to you. A Chinese Women with little life experience can be just as trying as a Western Woman to a Western Man who has reached an age of little patience.
Chinese women like sex, but with many (not everyone, but many) their knowledge is a little limited. While they view it as an act of nature, they have not usually been with a partner who treats it as more than a quick event to satisfy himself, with his partner's needs of no importance. So you may find yourself needing to do some teaching and coaching, but her response will almost always be one of delight and openness. With patience and guidance she will become an excellent partner, because, again, you are her husband and she wants to please you.
If a Chinese Woman appeals to you you're not alone. And obviously web dating is a great way to find, meet and get to know Chinese women.
John Abbot (nom de plume) is married to a lovely Chinese Lady and has lived in China for several years. John knows, loves and respects the Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture.
The question I am going to try to answer "Why" do Western men want to marry a Chinese lady why do Chinese ladies wants to marry Western men there is many misconceptions by the general public.
Last 10 years there are a large number of men who are quite happy to travel thousands of miles to find a new wife they're quite prepared to learn a different culture and difficulties of communicating with the language barrier it's quite a complex question which I will try and answer from a man's point of view no offence intended.
From about the sixties onwards women in the Western world have quite rightly demanded equal rights but in the last few year's society has changed completely. Back in the sixties a young woman would be quite happy to stay at home to look after the family and be a good wife and mother, today, especially in the United Kingdom young women can have three or four children each one having a different father with no shame whatsoever. The good news is that today divorce is slowing down for the simple reason people are not getting married any more. As you look at the average Western woman today you see more and more tattoos. women very drunk and violent, swearing and foul-mouthed this is not equal rights just appalling bad manners and this is not young ladies in their twenties you can find it at any age right up to 60. When divorced you can lose about every thing a wife always seemed to do better in the divorce case. The majority of men are between 45 and 55 when they get divorced because we seem to be getting married much later in life.
So you found yourself single again, the majority of men are quite traditional in the sense they do enjoy married life looking after there wife and family, but when he starts dating again this is where he realises society has really changed. They quickly find the typical woman today always seems demanding and expect every thing without even thinking what I can do for you, it can be soul-destroying to find the right woman.
So for various reasons he decide to look overseas looking at different dating site when you read a profile of a Chinese lady it has something special compared to many shall we say Western profiles when you e-mail them their commitment has no bounds yes some people would say a Chinese lady is just looking for the exit from China for a much easier life. This is completely wrong we have Western members actually living in China so that's just unfounded rubbish, you do have many Chinese ladies marrying older men but you must understand their culture, if you study the writings of Confucius he recommends the age between husband and wife should be at least 15 years so they find it very natural to have a much older husband. In any Western society this would be looked upon with amazement, they are committed to a lifelong relationship compared to Western society they are extremely faithful.
Why do Chinese ladies like to marry a Western man there are many reasons why. Chinese man are very unfaithful he does like the younger women, if his wife produces a daughter many would just walk away. As in China you are just allowed one child you can have more, you just have to pay, its expensive. Chinese women think Western men are more loving and caring they do not all think this, if they are a divorced or widowed Chinese lady it's extremely hard to get remarried again especially if you have children, more so than in the West.
In China their society were practicing equal rights since the foundation of the People's Republic. They demand and expect to be treated as equals. If any Western man thinks he is going to push his Chinese wife around your badly mistaken they will argue they are right not necessary for themselves but for the good of the family which is really important to a Chinese lady. They will sacrificed everything for the good of the family not just the children but for husband as well. The husband will always come first in the family, they would appreciate a simple gift of chocolate in the same way as if you gave them a diamond ring it is not the giving that matters it is because you're thinking of her. They'll have a long tradition of being a good wife and mother in this modern world they still believe in the old values that makes them unique to the Westerner . Will they ever lose these values in an increasing demanding world we live in, I very much doubt it even when China becomes the richest country in the world which it will, the Chinese people.will still keep to their values which are far more important than money to the majority of Chinese ladies.
I have tried to give people a insight why it is becoming more common for men from the West to marry a Chinese lady. I am not trying to create a battle between the sexes in my country or anywhere else I am sure if a lady was to write this article it would be very similar I am not trying to say ladies in the West are not fit for marriage I think we can all agree Western society has lost a lot of it's values and its traditions compared to when we were much younger back in the Forties and Fifties
Written by Robert
Life in Nanning, the Green City of China by Graham
I am an Englishman who decided to take early retirement and settle in China . Although I had a very good job, I had become disillusioned with my life in England and the opportunity arose to move to fresh pastures and burn all of my bridges. My late wife was born in Malaysia but her parents were originally from China and so I had visited China several times.
The first time I came to the city of Nanning was especially to meet a lady with whom I had talked on the Internet, and I stayed for two weeks. The second visit was one month later and I threw away the return coupon of my air ticket and never went back! Three weeks later I married the lady and we rented a modern apartment in Nanning. Now, I am not suggesting this is the right course of action for everyone, but I have no regrets. After 9 months, we moved to another apartment on the same complex and agreed to buy it. Buying new property in China is quite straightforward. Chinese Law does not prevent foreigners from buying property but the land is always leasehold and you are granted the right to use it, usually for 70 years from the construction date. Renting an apartment is also very easy and quickly arranged. Most properties in the city are in apartment blocks. The newer developments are built as condominiums with communal features like swimming pools, landscaped gardens, basketball and tennis courts, restaurants, shops, clubs and gymnasiums. We often play ten pin bowls, cool off in the pool and then drink cold beer and have a bite to eat under the palm trees, all without leaving our estate. What could be better?
So what is it really like to be a foreigner living in the People's Republic of China? I feel privileged to be here. The people are wonderful. The cost of living is very low and my standard of living is high. I dine out with Western and Chinese friends at restaurants and cafes almost every day, something which I could not afford to do when I was in England. The local cuisine can be strange at first, but you soon adapt to it and find the things you like. The same goes for chopsticks: learn how to use them or be prepared to carry your own knife and fork with you. There is a tremendous variety of food and fruits, especially in the tropical areas like Guangxi. Nanning is the capital city of Guangxi and is safe, modern and clean.
I have visited many places in China and been welcomed in all of them. There is a great internal transport system making it is easy
to get around. Most places are connected by a frequent service of modern long distance coaches. The trains run on time and it is worth
paying the little extra for the soft seater class. Don't underestimate the size of China: it is almost forty times as big as the UK
and 25% bigger than Australia. So it saves a lot of time if you fly between some of the cities. Even Guangxi is almost the same size
as the UK.
China is a beautiful country in which to go sight-seeing. It stretches from the winter wonderland of the North to the sun-drenched Tropics in the South. There are mountains, lakes, rivers, caves, deserts, tropical forests, silver beaches, azure seas, green hills, just about everything in one country. To the best of my knowledge there are no restrictions specifically aimed at foreigners traveling as tourists inside the country.
So how do you get here from the UK ? The one thing you must obtain before leaving the UK is a visa. There are no non-stop flights from the UK to Nanning , and I have found the best routes are either through the northern cities of Shanghai or Beijing , or via the southern cities of Guangzhou or Hong Kong . China Eastern airlines have a regular service from Heathrow to Shanghai and then onwards to Nanning , but this involves a change of airport in Shanghai and usually a one night lay over. This can be a great way of breaking your journey. They often sell heavily discounted tickets through the on-line agents such as www.airlinenetwork.co.uk and www.dial-a-flight.com .
Do you need to speak the language? I know very little Chinese, certainly not enough to converse, and yet I manage to get by. But how I wish I spoke fluently as I miss so much. If you get stuck, try asking the school children, some of them speak English very well and it is their culture to respect and try and help an older person. At least buy a phrasebook or a pocket translator. Make sure it has the words in Pinyin and Mandarin characters. I use the Lonely Planet Mandarin Phrasebook which costs about five pounds and can be purchased at most airport bookshops.
If you are thinking of coming to Nanning and need any help, drop me an e-mail. And when you get here, call me, I'll be happy to meet you and share a cold beer in the sun.
What prompted my visit too Nanning .
Well my journey to Nanning began some 3 months or so before I went. . At the beginning of June through the internet I met a lady, we exchanged private e-mail address (tip it's cheaper that way) than through a dating service. We started to correspond with each other on a daily basis, and also on webcam each week. Right away we appeared to hit it off. After a month of corresponding we decided that the best thing would be for both of us to meet each other.
We agreed that early September would be a good time to meet.
The first step on planning my journey to Nanning in China was to give myself lots of time and try not to rush. I took a considerable amount of time planning what I wanted to do and when to do it, (which paid dividends in the end by everything going smooth).
I then applied for my Chinese Visa, again tip don't apply for it too soon because it only lasts for 3 months from date of issue. To obtain my Visa I used Chinese Visa Direct agency, I found them to be very efficient. From sending my application to them and receiving the visa back took only 7 days, Saturday through to Friday, they contacted me by email to say that my passport and visa was on it's way back and gave me a reference number. When I received the Visa and my Passport back there was a CD included with it, it was a basic English to Chinese. An English male person spoke the English word and a Chinese lady repeating it in Chinese.
Next was to book a flight. After shopping around I booked it through Nectar using my Nectar points, and paid the difference. The flight was booked with Air France at a cost of £165.00. (so the rush is on to use my Nectar card when ever possible.
The next thing I did was to book a hotel in Kowloon, because I had decided that I would stop over in Hong Kong for two days before going onto China.
Next was to take out insurance. I took it out in the end with M&S again after shopping around I found them to offer the best deal at the time for me (incidentally it was for a 12 month policy which cost me only £72). I had the policy start 1 week before I departed.
Next I shopped around for a return flight from Hong Kong International Airport to Nanning . Which I was quoted £195.00 for. During my purchase of my visa through Chinese Visa Direct, I spoke to a Chinese lady and told her that I was trying to get a flight to Nanning , she told don't go via Hong Kong International because you will have to pay international rates. But go via Shenzhen Airport it's just over the border in China and it becomes an internal flight, and therefore cheaper. £105. I booked the flight through www.yoee.com
Everything in place, at last the big day arrived for me to start my journey to Nanning.
My journey started one Saturday evening in early September, with my 19.45 evening flight from Manchester to Charles de Gaulle Airport Paris by Air France . At CDG, I had only had 1 ½ hours to transit to their overnight direct flight to Hong Kong which took 11 ½ hours (tip book a aisle seat it's easy to get up and walk around during the flight than having a window seat and trying to climb over people when asleep)
I arrived at Hong Kong International Airport at17.00 hours the following afternoon Sunday (what an airport) Hong Kong Airport was purpose built on reclaimed land some 30 minutes away from Hong Kong by express train. (You can download a video from HK Airport of how to move through it) From arrival to clearing immigration everything was so smooth and efficient. With no problems of locating the desk for my transport to my hotel.
I had booked a room at The Renaissance Hotel in Kowloon through Marriott Hotels. Which was located on the waterfront. (Tip if you are going to make a number of journeys, register with one of the hotel groups, because after staying there you can accumulate points for free nights)
From one of the hotels restaurants you have a panoramic view over looking the bay towards Hong Kong Island and Victoria Peak . (a ride to the top of the peak a must) Each evening at 20.00 hours for approximately 10 minutes they have the world renowned light show. (not to be missed).
From Kowloon I took the MTR (Mas Transite Rail) rail link only 5 minutes walk from my hotel. The rail journey took approximately 40 minutes to arrive at the Chinese border at Shenzhen. You have to walk from the rail station across a bridge into China , then you have to fill in a Entry Card hand it in at customers and clear formalities.
A view from Victoria Peak looking towards Kowloon. The brown building in the centre of the picture was my hotel
I then had to take a bus out to the Airport. I did have a problem location the bus stop (with not speaking Chinese it was difficult finding the bus) it all seamed just chaotic people blowing whistles, waving buses on, stopping people etc. Anyway the bus you need it's at the opposite end from when you come out of the customs building. Bus Number F568. Express bus to Shenzhen Airport . It cost approximately 35 RMB £2.50, and takes approximately 1 hour.
Airport check in at the airport was very similar to any UK airport check in. One thing you have to expect when you are queuing, the Chinese are impatient and just push in.
My flight to Nanning was with China Southern Airline and took 1 hour.
My lady had come to meet me with two of her friends.
We all said our welcome hello's etc
Then travelled by car from the Airport into Nanning it's takes approx. 1 hour. The booking of the hotel in Nanning I had left to my lady. She had booked us into the Li Jing Hotel, it's located opposite Nahue Park . Our room over looked the beautiful park, and was a pleasure each morning to open the curtains and over look the park. It was also pleasant and relaxing to take walk in it (when walking in the park it was very noticeable how clean everything was).
Li Jing Hotel
A selection of some of the wonderful food I had in China
All too soon, after 2 wonderful weeks together the day came when my lady and I had to say our sad goodbye's. (it's never a pleasant time) so we decided that it would be short and sweet at the Airport.
For my return journey. I flew from Nanning to Shenzhen on the lunchtime flight. I then took the free shuttle bus from Shenzhen airport to the ferry port and took the Turbojet boat to Kowloon . (I had decided that I would try various way of travel to and from Nanning from Hong Kong . You have a choice of destinations on the Turbojet boat You can either go to Hong Kong International Airport or Kowloon . 1 hour duration to Kowloon cost $120 (£8.50). The reason I went back to Kowloon was because I had some 10 hours to kill, before my night flight to Paris.
From Kowloon I took the Airport Express Train at a cost of $90 HK (£6.40) one way.
(airport express operate a free shuttle bus from major hotels in Hong Kong & Kowloon to their Rail Station) At the rail station in Hong Kong and Kowloon you can check in with all major airlines. 1 day before and up to 90 minutes before departure, (this saves you having to queue at the airport).
My flight back to Charles de Gaulle Paris and onward flight to Manchester was reverse of my trip out (12.1/2 hours HK to CDG) coming back
Tip I have made a note that the next time I visit Nanning to only pack light, and when I have packed to unpack and pack light again, because I took far to many cloths with me. Every things so cheap in China.
The two questions people always ask me:
why did I marry a Chinese lady?
what is China like?
To answer the first one why did I marry a Chinese lady? I will have to take you back in time to when my first marriage of 29 years collapsed, without going into detail it was a terrible experience. I sold my business and moved down from Lancashire to Norfolk to try and start a new life which wasn't easy, after meeting many Englishwomen and having two relationships which didn't go anywhere.
To find the right woman seemed impossible to me, so I took the decision to spend the rest of my life on my own.
I would talk to people all around the world on my computer mainly through e-mails which started my interests in learning about different cultures passing the time away. There was one particular woman I was e-mailing who lives in China ; there was no way I'd be going there. I felt really safe, how wrong I was after exchanging roughly 150 e-mails, Li-Ping invited me to the city of Nanning , Guangxi , China . I accepted, why because in her e-mails to me she was so honest and understanding, not saying what she wanted or demanded, which the majority of women did with me, but what we could do together from friendship it was turning into something much more.
After finding out how to apply for a visa and booking my hotel for two weeks along with my flight to Beijing which was quite a new experience. I have never been on an airplane before, spending one night in Beijing . The next morning I flew on to Nanning , it was 30th November 2003 , Friday morning 11:30am . Meeting Li-Ping was an experience I shall never forget within one week I asked Li-Ping to marry me to which she agreed.
This was a truly magical experience and to put it into words would mean me writing all day. Many people from around the world have experienced the same for themselves.
The second question what is Nanning or China like? From leaving the airport and traveling along a dual carriageway towards Nanning city which is just like any dual carriageway anywhere in the world. You start to come to the suburbs of Nanning where you see Chinese writing on many buildings and shops and trying to work out what it says.
As we all know China has a vast population but Nanning to me is not over populated, it is a very clean city. You do not see any vandalism or graffiti, you do not feel threatened to walk in city at 2 o'clock in the morning you feel relaxed, not as you may do in many western cities.
Shopping in Nanning is quite an experience, when you ask the price it's always trebled to what you actually pay in the smaller shops. The large department stores you will pay what is on the ticket, the department stores in Nanning are just like Western department stores selling many Western goods which are cheaper, for example buying DVDs for prices between 40p and 90p, for instance the latest DVD in English like James Bond, Harry Potter etc etc. Clothing is very cheap; don't forget to make room in your suitcase. Supermarkets are very similar to a Western equivalent there are many outdoor markets in Nanning which is a greater experienced to walk around and view the many different vegetables and fruits you do not see back home.
Eating in the restaurants for two people for just £5, you can have a wonderful meal. The most expensive meal was at the International Hotel Nanning, which is a five-star hotel, a T-bone steak with all the trimmings was £7-50. The local cafe for a bowl of noodles 20p it is not like Chinese cooking you have back home. Chinese like to have their meat always on the bone so you spend time spitting out bones, which is part of experience of eating in China . My wife's friend is a manager of a restaurant; I asked him, would it be possible, could you do me steak and chips? After eating my steak and chips, I couldn't believe it, when I looked around four tables of local Chinese were all having steak and chips and using knives and forks.
The traffic in Nanning is a bit confusing. When you cross a road you just walk very slowly, all the vehicles will slow down and go around you. If you're driving a vehicle (not recommended) or in a taxi you will notice nobody gives way to you. In rush hour traffic do not be surprised to find many motorbikes riding on the pavement which is quite a surprise to see as many as four people riding on one motorbike.
There's nothing more enjoyable than just sitting at a roadside cafe watching the world go by Chinese are a very fascinating people.
There are many wonderful parks in Nanning there's over 3000 different plants flowers and trees, it is a gardeners' delight, they don't call Nanning the Green City for nothing.
The people of Nanning are really friendly and very helpful, you will notice when you're out and about many Chinese will stare at you because they have never seen a westerner before, given time you get used to this. They will always look away if you stare back at them they don't want you thinking they're rude which they certainly are not.
Nanning is truly a fascinating city with its many modern buildings, you will find very few old ones. Its truly a city of the 21st century, and a very lively integrated city. I have had the opportunity of visiting
We have been married for nearly three years. Li-Ping has given me many wonderful experiences. Do I have any regrets? Only one. I wish I had done it 30 years earlier.
Contact: Nanning & china info